how if.....??

how if I don't get to further my study in Law after this..

would my life be way different than this??

how if I did not choose to take law in the first place..

would I be a fashion designing student or maybe a culinary art at this very time??

how if i did not take law..

would my parents will go all around looking proud telling their friends whenever they ask what course that I take if it is not law??

almost everyday for this empty 3 month of holiday these question been suffocating me almost all the time

every hour

every minutes

and every second

when I try to talk to my mom about this stuff, she will simply smile and tell me that I'm gonna get it and don't worry and then she smile again..

her smile make me feel i'm drowning deep into a big blue sea..

i'm scared that i'm going to let her down..

the same thing goes with my brother..

he always want to be a lawyer but he end-up being a trader..but now he seem to be happie with his job and he able to go all around the world..

and now he seems to make me pursuing his dream..

i'm too afraid to talk to my father..

and my sister tell me that i'm just confuse and i'm going to be okay..

she told me that about a month and a half ago..

and yet i'm still not okay..

in fact, i'm getting worse..

I feel really lonely right now..

no friends that i want to talk to..no body that want to listen to me..

just listen..I think that is not a very hard thing to do..

just sit and listen..

you don't need to say a word..

JUST LISTEN TO ME..