how if.....??

how if I don't get to further my study in Law after this..

would my life be way different than this??

how if I did not choose to take law in the first place..

would I be a fashion designing student or maybe a culinary art at this very time??

how if i did not take law..

would my parents will go all around looking proud telling their friends whenever they ask what course that I take if it is not law??

almost everyday for this empty 3 month of holiday these question been suffocating me almost all the time

every hour

every minutes

and every second

when I try to talk to my mom about this stuff, she will simply smile and tell me that I'm gonna get it and don't worry and then she smile again..

her smile make me feel i'm drowning deep into a big blue sea..

i'm scared that i'm going to let her down..

the same thing goes with my brother..

he always want to be a lawyer but he end-up being a trader..but now he seem to be happie with his job and he able to go all around the world..

and now he seems to make me pursuing his dream..

i'm too afraid to talk to my father..

and my sister tell me that i'm just confuse and i'm going to be okay..

she told me that about a month and a half ago..

and yet i'm still not okay..

in fact, i'm getting worse..

I feel really lonely right now..

no friends that i want to talk to..no body that want to listen to me..

just listen..I think that is not a very hard thing to do..

just sit and listen..

you don't need to say a word..

JUST LISTEN TO ME..

Oh benci gila bila you try to influence people with your stupid ideology!!

weyy bhai..pathetic itu kamu!!

indie enough kah??

Melayu enough kah??

pesal ngan kau nak sibuk nak influence orang suruh ikut ideology bangang kau tu??

klo kau nak suka gila menonggeng dengan band indie Melayu yang konon Melayu gila 100% tapi dressing still macam westerners nyer band itu kau punya pasal la bhai..

tapi jangan la nak kutuk and pastu nak sebarkan bende busuk pasal ape yang orang laen nak suka..

memang la we all Melayu akan selalu jadi Melayu and bro it's a fact la..

tapi bila kau sendiri pon tak tunjukkn ke-Melayuan kau sendiri ape barang bhai??

you go everywhere, semua ceruk and sibuk bagi tau you pakai baju brand TOPSHOP and your seluar yang custom made tu is a budaya from something country yang entah mana entah, I doubt that you are still lacking your Malays spirit..

pakai baju melayu la and menari zapin dulu and then bru you bleh proud pasal ur ke-Melayuan

What?? you say kitorang help in contributing war in some country which I should not state here??

Alah, yang kau dok pelahap sgt makan ber kon-kon sundae McDonald tu n melantak Big Mac sampai buncit tu??

tu ape?? oh maybe when it come to you, it's okay la I guess..huhu

I don't know la ape nak jadi ngn young generations now days..

bru buat sini skit and sana skit lebih then terus nak cakap n canang satu kampung or should I say taman yang dorg tu is way better than the others..

Semoga these kind of people nih will tersedar and kembali ke pangkal jalan..

deep within me,all you could found is empty..

world is spinning round and round and round and again ROUND!!

this morning start like any other day..I wake up as usual, I say bye and sent my dad to the door until his car disappear from my view..

my mom cook fried noodles for breakfast but because my stomach is upset from yesterday wedding ceremony food which I attend at Pahang make me refuse to eat those mouthwatering dish..Instead I have 2 slices of wholemeal bread but I make a very big mistakes which leaves me haunted by regret for the rest of the day..I team up my wholemeal  bread with the poisonous NESLO!! I thought NESLO 3 in 1 drink sachet is contain with 70% of Milo and only 30% of Nescafe as the smell of it is more to Milo smell instead of Nescafe.. BUT I was terribly wrong.. at the very moment I finished my mug full of NESLO, I start to feel dizzy and my upset stomach is much more upset than before. Yes, I am a caffeine intolerence!!

Stupid stupid me!! At this very moment when I writing this post..I am still feel slightly dizzy and my stomach is still upset..I hate coffee n the caffeine that it contain!!

Fine!! No more coffee for me from now on!!